Hallmark for Men

 

     It happens all year long, but particularly during the Christmas season. You are home with your woman and/or women in your family. They are laughing and talking while the Hallmark channel shows an endless supply of romance movies.

     There are different actors, but the themes are so tired. Is the leading lady's family selling the family business? Is her potential love interest secretly (or not so secretly) wealthy? Are they going to a festival? Do they have to compete against each other? Does she see him hugging another woman and get the wrong idea? I could go on, but I am convinced that these are being auto written by a computer.

     It doesn't matter, the ladies eat it up. They watch each and every one as if they haven't seen the same story over and over. Then I thought, what if the Hallmark channel was written for men? My brother piped up and said, "that would be called porn". I disagree, men like romance too, but definitely not the way Hallmark does it.

     I'll address the porn comment. It would be nice to see a little more tasteful physical contact. Most of the movies lately involve a chaste kiss that usually gets interrupted. Finally, in the last scene, we get a kiss. It's so unrealistic. Guys like touch and Hallmark really avoids that. They don't even cuddle in most of them. It can be tasteful, but it should be present. Conversely, I could see the guy asking his love interest "can you send me photos?" Honey, let me tell you, he is not looking for photos of you baking cookies. Ah, men, visual creatures. Hallmark would not stand for that, but this is Hallmark for Men, so let's send him a few tasteful cleavage shots. 😍 

     Mom and I were watching one and what does mom say? "See honey, you just need to meet one like that!" After giving her my official dirty look, I had to explain to her that these guys are FICTIONAL. All the guys on Hallmark are looking for real relationships. If this is Hallmark for men, we would see more "Hey, I'm not looking for anything serious, so can we just hang out until I ghost you?" Another variation? "I will date you, but if I find someone who I like better I will drop you like a bag of stones." Romance is complicated and Hallmark has made the big assumption that all single people are seeking marriage. It's okay, Hallmark for Men is cool, we can just chill. 

     Offer up some depth. Allow the characters to engage in meaningful conversations. Frankly, the characters are often shallow. Who cares if two shallow people find each other? They will sometimes share a backstory, but they will not talk about issues that can help the world. For backstory, there are rarely divorces, because Hallmark won't go there, even though 50% of the population does. Did you know that 64% of divorced men remarry? By the way, that stat is lower for women. Aw, I didn't realize that men were the optimists. Hallmark for Men can include divorced people.  

     I have recently encountered many stories about guys who will not enter a serious relationship because they have been hurt. Many of the female characters on Hallmark experience that, but not the men. I think it would be good to show that men can recover from a painful relationship just as women can. Maybe it could help some of these guys who have shut themselves away from a world that really does have a lot of love to offer.   

     Add humor. Love is serious, but people interacting with each other are not always so serious. Laugh at the silliness of life and love. A real love relationship would offer up some humor. Hallmark for Men needs more Dad jokes.

     Maybe guys would watch it, maybe not. It would be better than what's on now. Of course, a few dragons couldn't hurt......